Couples Therapy
When your relationship is in trouble
In my work with couples of all kinds, we are looking to build reciprocity and mutuality which I believe are the bedrock of a good relationship. Relationships can be a source of joy and support, but a relationship caught in conflict is devastating and exhausting.
It can feel like a big leap of faith to let a stranger into such a private space, but it can be really beneficial to have a third person, a professional, hold a space for you both to explore what's gone wrong.
When you're in a stuck relationship, you may have these kinds of thoughts:
We used to be so close and have so much fun, but things seem to have drifted and we don't know how to reach out to each other anymore.
We just can't talk about what's gone wrong between us. It feels too hard. I feel so guilty and they're so angry. We are just creeping around each other.
We seem to be caught in an endless argument. I can't say anything right. I can't stand all this fighting.
We've tried to talk and just come away feeling more bruised. We've hurt each other so badly, can we ever recover?
Couples may seek therapy because of what feels like endless arguing, or because you've lost the connection between you, or find yourselves wanting different things. Sex may have become difficult, boring or non-existent. You may be going through a significant transition such as becoming parents, moving in together, getting married, moving country, children leaving home or moving into retirement. There may have been an affair or another breach of trust. You may have reached a point where you are wondering whether the relationship can continue and need a space to explore separation or divorce.
In our work we would explore the history of your relationship, holding space for both of you to feel seen and heard. We would think together about the impact of your individual experiences and the patterns you may have developed in relationships over time. We might work on how to talk about feelings or manage disagreements more constructively, and consider how you can hold healthier boundaries with each other.
My aim is not to decide who is right or wrong, or to keep a relationship together at all costs. It is to help you understand what is happening between you and whether it is possible to relate to one another differently. And if the relationship has run its course, therapy can also offer a space to work towards ending it with greater mutual understanding and acceptance.
I also work with other relationship pairs - parent and adult child, siblings and friends.